The Warrior’s Way Review

Ok, so look who all is in the movie.  With the exception of Kate Bosworth, this is a very impressive cast.  It is a mashup of ninjas and cowboys, and it is beautiful.  Unfortunately, that cannot save this movie from itself.

The writing is ok.  This is the story of a ninja assassin who is the best in the world.  He is about to complete his mission of killing every last one of the sect of ninjas his sect has been at war with.  But it is a newborn baby girl.  He decides that he cannot go through with this and runs away to America with her.  Here is the first problem: he has decided that he can no longer fight because that would draw the attention of his ninja sect and bring trouble to the town he has settled in.  I came to see a fucking ninja movie.  Why would you make the main badass refuse to fight in a GOD DAMN NINJA MOVIE!!!  That right there shows you that the writers of this movie were probably retarded chicken-fuckers who got lucky by hitting the right combination of keys whilst thwacking a keyboard.

I am a totally badass ninja, so now I am never going to fight again. What. The. Fuck?!?

Problem number two: Kate Bosworth.

Seriously, how do you make this a problem? Oh yeah, let her open her mouth...

Apparently Kate Bosworth feels that any female from the Old West should sound like a mix between an inbred and Annie Oakley.  Every time she talked I wished I could commit seppuku.  Her storyline was ok, her fight scenes were ok, her acting was simply the scariest thing in this film.  I thought she was bad in Superman Returns, but she seems to relish in proving me wrong.

And then there is Danny Huston.  Danny Huston plays a murdering, raping prick of an asshole who likes little girls with nice teeth.  What is really creepy about that is that he seems to REALLY get into character.  I mean, I believed him.  I do not know if this falls into the good thing or bad thing category.

Now you are asking your self “Self, was there anything good in this movie?”  And the reply would be “Why are you calling yourself self?  And yes.”  The fight scenes are stylistic and beautiful.  The final act with ninjas vs. cowboys, ninjas vs. ninjas and that stupid ass Kate Bosworth vs. cowboys were all pretty good.  But again, this was the only real fight scene in a movie where I was expecting fight scene after fight scene.

No fight scene for you!!!

Even the very end of the movie is the build up for a massive fight scene and then they cut to black as a ninja makes the first move.  My balls are so blue I could be a fucking Na’vi.

In the end, this movie is just not worth it.  I am sorry, but don’t subject yourself to crap.  (Unless you insist on continuing to call yourself self, then go ahead and enjoy being in a familiar environment: crap.)

Have you seen The Warrior’s Way?  What did you think about it?  Let me know in the comments below.

~Ryan Lynch

And now, the only way Kate Bosworth should be enjoyed, without sound:

2 thoughts on “The Warrior’s Way Review

  1. “My balls are so blue I could be a fucking Na’vi.” Best line of the post. That, and everything hilarious about kate bosworth. Seen but not heard, classic Lynchenstein.

    xoxo,
    Jonny

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