The Expendables 2 Review

I was very lucky growing up.  Both of my parents are cinephiles and I got to go to tons of movies.  The ones that I remember most were the ones that my father (and on occasion my mother) and I went to.  I learned that one person could be badass enough to take on entire armies.  One person could take on a skyscraper full of bad guys and curse like a sailor while doing it.  Oh yeah, and you also got to have sex with beautiful women and crack jokes between jump spin kicks and taking on 1,000 people at once.  These were my heroes.

My father gave me that and my impetus to push myself to be the person who knew right from wrong and to always stand up for what you believe.  So getting to go to The Expendables 2 with my father and watch Stallone, Schwarzenegger and Willis walk down an airport terminal together with BFGs taking out hundreds of people who were THE BAD GUYS without a bullet even touching them was a bit of a dream.

Bullets are for pussies!

You see, today’s movies are much more nuanced than in the late eighties and early nineties.  Sure, there are still bad guys, but there are shades of bad.  The bad guy has redeeming qualities, or the bad guy is the good guy to the other side.  I think this is good in showing that people are most of the time doing what they think is best.  But it makes me miss the days when the bad guy killed women and children because they were truly evil.  Then when you got to watch Van Damme beat the living crap out of him, you truly had something to cheer for.

He could even beat him blinded!

So a movie like The Expendables 2 really shouldn’t work.  It is too unreal for this day and age.  Which is funny when you think about giant robots fighting or a team of super heroes being the big draws.  Today, the normal human being cannot be the perfect soldier, or fighter, or revenge seeking (insert noun here).  They have to have super powers, or be scientifically advanced, or been changed by aliens.  We just wont believe that a human could do those things by themselves any more.

That is where The Expendables gets it so right.  It knows that and it just makes so much fun of it.  The movie opens up with the most ridiculous hostage rescue ever.  The vehicles are insane, the gun fight is ludicrous and everyone has time to stop and say punchlines.  And it is GREAT!!!

Everything this team does is over the top and they are making fun of themselves at every turn for how insane it all is.  Chuck Norris takes out an entire army and a tank by himself and then rips out a Chuck Norris Fact.  My father and I were giggling with joy.

There are not a lot of beautiful women this time around, but they are kind enough to throw us some Charisma Carpenter, and that is always a kind gesture.

The bad guys are truly evil.  The good guys are completely unstoppable and the action is non-stop and mind-blowing.  If you ever loved a film with any of these actors in it, you will love The Expendables 2.  Highly recommended!

What did you think of The Expendables 2?  Let us know in the comments below.

~Ryan Lynch