The Amazing Spider-Man Review

I just don’t see why this movie was made.  I really did not expect to walk out of the theater and go, “Ehh.”  But that is exactly what I did.  The Amazing Spider-Man was so repetitive, redundant, and redone that it really felt like a re-release.  I walked away feeling like there was no need for me to have watched The Amazing Spider-Man.

The big thing that The Amazing Spider-Man has going against it is that Spider-Man is still so fresh in my mind.  Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man was almost exactly the same movie as The Amazing Spider-Man.  Switch out the villians and the love interest has a different name, but it is mostly the same movie.  Let me count the ways: The origin story is they both get bit by a super spider.  They both start fighting crime because Uncle Ben dies.  They both get beat up by Flash Gordon.  They both get revenge on Flash Gordon.  They both have a surrogate father figure become their main villain.  They both design their own costume.  They both fumble with their new super powers.  They both fight people from Oscorp.  They both figure out their costumes in a wrestling ring.  Both of the villains are green.  (Do you think the film makers have a pro-marijuana agenda they are pushing?) The villain uses himself as the test subject for his new project which turns him into the villain.  Both heroes had to rescue people from a bridge.  Both heroes get help from the city to fight the villain.  I can keep going.

Beat for beat, this feels like almost the exact same film from ten years ago.  And that film had such an impact on me that I feel somewhat used.  When the original Spider-Man came out, someone finally treated a comic book superhero like a grown up story.  There were no stupid bat nipples, and real money was spent to make it truly amazing.  Walking out of the theater all I could think about was how many mindgasm inducing movies could be made.  It was the beginning of a new era.  The era that leads us to this summer where we get The Avengers and The Dark Knight Rises.

The Amazing Spider-Man takes all of that good will and just uses it for a shitty money grab.   Why did we need a retelling of Spider-Man’s origin?  Walk up to anyone on the street and they can tell you what happened to turn Peter Parker into Spider-Man.  The only changes that The Amazing Spider-Man makes to that story are cosmetic.  The spider isn’t radioactive and Mary Jane is now named Gwen.

And got hotter. And can now act.

What is really disappointing about it is that the two leads are better.  Andrew Garfield plays Peter Parker like he truly is brilliant and Spider-Man like the wisecracking asshole he should be.  Emma Stone is the girlfriend that every superhero dreams of.  She is gorgeous, intelligent, funny and immensely brave.  I loved both of them and thought they were perfect for their roles.  Making them go through the exact same beats that Tobey Maguire and Kristin Dunst did is just a waste of their talent.

Let’s all be honest and admit that there are going to be a lot of Spider-Man films.  People will keep going to them, and the studio will keep making them.  If we need to be retold the origin story, or have it retooled every damn time a new actor dons the mask it is going to absolutely suck.  Why not take the James Bond method and just drop the new actor into the existing story line?  Or even make one off movies telling different adventures of the truly amazing Spider-Man?  We don’t need to be told something that we all already know.  You don’t come to this site and need to be repeatedly told that Jonny and I are (not so) secret ass-divers.  We can just jump right into telling you that Jonny’s favorite superhero is  Green Lantern.

It’s because he’s flaming…

I didn’t really need to see The Amazing Spider-Man, and neither do you.   Sure, it’s great to see Spidey swinging around, but don’t give the studio more money just for doing it in 3D.

Have you seen The Amazing Spider-Man?  What did you think of it?  Let us know in the comments below.

~Ryan Lynch

One thought on “The Amazing Spider-Man Review

  1. The Amazing Spider-Man? More like the ADEQUATE Spider-Man. Am I right?? Solid review, baby. I would only mention that in the final showdown where Spidey has to overcome some sort of formidable obstacle to save the day and get to the girl was so disgustingly trite and unbelievable, even for a movie where the main character gains the powers and abilities of a radioactive SPIDER, I was close to walking out. Didn’t even care what happened after that.

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