No Strings Attached Review

No Strings Attached is a raunchy comedy that had the whole theater laughing out loud at the screening I attended.  It took me about five minutes to get into the reality this film inhabits.  But once I just accepted it for what it was, I was laughing along with everyone else.  I walked out quite happy that I had seen it.

My wife was sick all last week, and was finally feeling better on Friday.  So while I was jockying for The Social Network, she chose No Strings Attached.  I did not walk in with great expectations.  Frankly, with the pure crap that Ashton Kutcher has chosen for starring vehicles in the past five years, I was a little concerned that I was wasting money.  But Natalie Portman gave me hope.  And honestly, The Butterfly Effect still gives Ashton some cred with me.

Why Ashton, why?!?

No Strings Attached is about Adam (Ashton Kutcher) and Emma (Natalie Portman).  They randomly run into each other starting at the age of 13 and then again and again over about four to five year gaps.  Each time Adam is interested in Emma, but Emma warns him to stay away.

I stated earlier that it took me a minute to get into the reality that this movie inhabits.  The best way that I can describe it is to say that everyone in this movie is an aspiring comedian.  Or maybe, every character in this movie knows that they are making a movie.  You see, they will say things that are so raunchy/offensive/wrong that it does not sound like a real conversation that actual human beings would have.  Instead, it sounds like a bunch of comedians got together and they are trying to gross out/crack up each other.  For example: there is a scene where Emma and all of her roommates are having their periods at the same time.  The entire scene is a set up for them to tell jokes, ending with a cut to one of the roommates saying: “There is a crime scene in my pants.”  It is almost as if the editor had several different takes, and instead of just choosing the best line they threw a whole bunch in there in the hopes that some would get a laugh.

Maybe they think this one will be funny. They don't... Crap!

Now don’t get me wrong, I was laughing.  I was laughing throughout the movie.  I just never bought that any of these characters were people.  They were just characters, written for the screen, to make me laugh.  And that they did.  It is almost as if a whole bunch of Saturday Night Live skits were close enough related that someone said, “Hey, we could make a movie out of this!”

And to that point, there are a whole bunch of characters that are barely there.  I feel like there might be a whole other movie on the cutting room floor.  It is entirely possible that the DVD/Blu-Ray will have hours of “bloopers” and outtakes.  Who knows?

This whole movie should have been left on the cutting room floor.

And how were those for some tangents?  Getting back to the story.  Adam has a particularly traumatic experience involving an ex-girlfriend and decides that he is going to call every number in his phone until he finds a girl that will sleep with him.  This leads him to waking up butt naked on a couch.  Emma’s couch.  They didn’t sleep together because he was too messed up and destroyed.  But he is naked and so they end up creating the beast with two backs anyways.  This leads to Emma proposing no-strings-attached sex.  They can just call each other whenever they need to get laid.  Of course, this leads to exactly what you would expect.  Strings get attached.

No Strings Attached is hilarious.  If you like raunchy comedy like The Hangover, Get Him to the Greek or Superbad,  I will bet that you will like this movie.  Both my wife and I came out very happy that we had gone.  Take that Social Network!

Have you seen No Strings Attached?  What did you think of it?  Let me know in the comments below.

~Ryan Lynch