Netflix: Wrap-up

No need to worry about any spoilers here. I’m not looking to take away from anyone’s cinematic experience. Simply trying to give an unbiased movie rundown so you can judge for yourself whether something’s worth the time to stream off netflix.  Sorry for the abridged reviews, but I’m way behind Lynch on material and needed to catch up.

This time without Johnny Depp.

Nightmare on Elm Street –
A pretty bland “reimagining” of the original horror classic starring everyone’s favorite pedophile burn victim. I put reimagining in quotes, of course, because ordinarily it would imply something new, improved, or innovative. Here you’ve got 90 minutes of mildly attractive, vacuous young actors and actresses trouncing around a sleekly edited movie set trying their best to look concerned over the strange events unfolding around them. Character development and exposition are traded in for less-than special effects and wimpy eyed protagonists. Honestly, I didn’t know who to root for in this movie. The characters really never connect with one another (emotionally OR even on-screen), and pretty soon you stop caring who’s next to be slaughtered by a poorly makeuped jackie earle haley. Skip this one, and just go rent the original instead.

Pass on the Titans

Clash of the Titans –
I read a joke about how James Cameron spent millions of dollars developing the kind of facial recognition software needed for his characters in Avatar, and then used it on one of the most expressionless actors in Hollywood. Well here’s another one where the hero of the story with his chiseled good looks and revealing leather skirt still gives you little more reason, beyond the occasional “check out my taught buttocks” flying lunge, to really care about what the hell happens to him. Neeson and Fiennes dial it in, and the storyline is quick to gloss over inaccuracies or add a superfluous characters whenever the writers deem it convenient. As far as the action goes (that’s all I was really expecting out this anyway) they get it right… sometimes. Couple of cool battles and CG badguys, but nothing of the caliber big budget movies have occasionally rewarded us with in the past. Probably pass on this one, but it might (MIGHT) be worth checking out if you’re looking for something in the vein of Gladiator without the, you know, cool stuff.

Pictured: irony

The Losers –
I was afraid for this movie with all the other “rogue team of colorful and diverse operatives get framed for doing something and have to work outside the law to bring down the real bad guy” movies coming out. Personally I was looking forward to this one the most, and it didn’t disappoint. This movie is NOT for everybody, but if you know what you’re getting yourself into it’s worth checking out. First of all, great chemistry between the actors which makes their work as a team more believable. Solid pacing in that I didn’t find myself with too many dry spells checking my watch to see how much more was left. Decent bad guy who avoided the over-the-top, megalomaniacal supervillain archetype. And fun amounts of wit and comedy sprinkled liberally throughout the experience. I dare you to watch this movie and NOT fall in love with Chris Evans all over again.
A movie that says what it means, and means what it says.
Kick-Ass –
Totally lives up to the name. I went in with some pretty high expectations for this movie, as did a whole mess of fanboys, and I thought it delivered nicely. Definitely a slow start that makes the first 30 minutes a little tepid, especially when you compare it to the rest of the film which builds into ball-shattering crescendo my fellow geeks and I will rave about for months long after it’s out of the theaters. Again, I have to stress that Kick-Ass is not for everyone. But here’s what you can expect: action, gore, comedy, and a couple of unexpectedly poignant (sometimes tear-jerking) scenes. This movie tows a difficult line trying to present enough self-deprecating humor for its genre to be funny, but enough story and emotion to leave an impact. I think it’s a huge success. Few times have I wanted to laugh, cry, and puke my guts out all at the same time. And the real star of the show (probably obvious for anyone who’s seen the trailers) is Hit Girl. See this one with a fun group of friends. Not a date night movie. Unless your girlfriend is into that. In which case, I’d like her number.

3D action, now packed into TWO dimensions!

How to Train Your Dragon –
I think the box office has shown that this was the little engine that could this spring. Whoever was behind the pitiful ad campaign for Dragon should be drawn and quartered, by rusty viking armaments preferably. Seriously, they were sitting on a dynamite keg of dragony awesomeness and I could not have been less excited about seeing this movie. The voice acting is top notch, relying on notable actors and actresses without getting bogged down by a high priced, A-list roster. I’m always more skeptical of the CG feature films that trot out their endless string of of super-expensive entertainers because they want you to forget they skimped on stuff like storytelling and fun (we’ll see how Despicable Me plays out…). Anyway, this one flew under the radar like a giant, winged reptile and is equal parts touching, action, and comedic gold. I loved everything about this movie, from the multidimensional characters (that’s not a 3D joke, although it is awesome) to the inspiring (if not inevitable) life lesson we all learn the end. See this movie on a date, with a group, or creepily sitting by yourself. Whatever it takes.

Okay, cool. Hope you guys enjoyed the rundown. Like I said, I keep it vague so that I’m not ruining any part of the movie for you. Like don’t you hate it when in the previews, they’ll say, “and with a twist ending so shocking you’ll never see it coming!!” or something like that? Hello!! I now see it coming, jerk-off.

Have you seen the movies?  What did you think about Them? Let me know in the comments below!

~Jonny Green

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