Netflix Review: Feast

Wait, does that thing say Matt Damon and Ben Affleck?

Just to be clear, neither Matt Damon nor Ben Affleck are actually IN this movie.  But lets not forget that they’re also both Academy Award winning screenwriters, so you can be pretty much guaranteed that this B-movie horror flick is still going to be on par with the likes of “Good Will Hunting”… if GWH had more decapitations, lacerations, eviscerations, and monster humping.  That’s right.  By watching “Feast,” you’ve bought your eyeballs a screaming one way ticket to mutant slam-town on the terror express.  And that’s one of classier parts.  That scene is practically a romantic comedy compared to some of the other visual delights you’re in store for.

"Remember how we accidentally grabbed each other's coffee at Starbucks? What a hilarious misunderstanding!"

The synopsis for this movie on IMDB literally reads “Patrons locked inside of a bar are forced to fight monsters.”  I actually can’t provide a better description of things to come besides that.  So don’t ask me questions like, where did these beasts come from?  Because I’m gonna answer with…

“I don’t know.”

Yeah, but was it like, nuclear radiation?  Was there some sort of excavation releasing these long dormant predators from an underground catacomb?

“I’m telling you, I don’t know.”

Does the movie mention anything about aliens?  Possibly an interdemensional portal?

“Seriously, shut the fuck up.  I don’t know.”

Well what’s their motivation?  What are they trying to get?

“They’re trying to kill the shit out of these people in a bar.”

But why?  Have these people wronged them in some way?  Is the bar on some sort of sacred animal graveyard?

“… I hate you.” (gunshot)

"You did this to me with your silly questions."

Apparently “Feast” was made for just over $3 million.  Obviously more than I can hope to earn in my lifetime (even if I expanded my thriving gigolo business to include major holidays), but means it was more like a labor of love for the people involved.  The budget shows at times and the filmmakers rely pretty heavily on extremely dark shots and shaky camera work.  But overall, they make it work.  I wouldn’t call it a genre defying monster movie by any stretch of the imagination, but it does throw you some pretty unexpected curveballs.  You seriously don’t know who is going to die and how.  It’s a pretty varied group of misfits, outcasts, rednecks, and city folk.  Heroes and heroines.  Cowards and deserters.  You’ve got mothers, kids, old people (always hilarious in a slasher flick), prostitutes, and one fairly douchey motivational speaker.  And like I said, you never really know how things are going to play out, and pretty much everyone is fair game.

Notwithstanding the LL Cool J "I always get to survive" clause in his horror movie contracts.

I’m a horror buff so I’m probably biased.  I also got to watch this movie with the co-founder of my college horror club Mr. Rob DeCou.  So while “Feast” gets two severed thumbs up from me, there’s a reason it was not a commercial hit.  The dark moments of comedy were served up with with macabre glee, especially entertaining were the shotgun blast character bios that introduce the audience to bar patrons in lieu of lengthy, boring exposition (you’ll probably have to see it to know what I’m talking about).   I didn’t watch this movie for character development, anyway.  I wanted to see some monsters bone down!!

Also Jenny Wade's ample, uh... acting chops.

Have you seen the movie?  What did you think about it? Let me know in the comments below!

~Jonny Green

3 thoughts on “Netflix Review: Feast

  1. I love how you make monster sex sound so inviting. Thank you Jonny. Thank you.

  2. This movie was fantastic, I would not advise going down the rabbit hole with Feast II or III though, it becomes painfully clear that the writers moved on to other projects.

    • If by “other projects” you mean “hardcore hallucinogenics,” then yes. It would seem so.

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