Jackass 3D Review

I don’t even feel like I need to review this movie.  Either you are foaming at the mouth to see Jackass, or you wouldn’t touch it with your mother’s dick.  It is as simple as that.

So instead, I am going to rave about how much I loved it.  First off, this movie is what 3D slow motion was literally created for.  To watch every fold of Preston’s fat as he gets nailed with a cannonball ripple out from that thing he calls a stomach is to shit yourself laughing.  The feeling I got watching giant dildo float over a diorama of the Eiffel Tower (Shot out of a dildo cannon of course!) is what I believe it must feel like to give birth, it was so beautiful.  I can go on.

The stunts are bigger.  You have probably seen the Super Poo Cocktail.  Watching that riptide of poo engulf Steve-O, while he is simultaneously puking AT YOU, will bring tears to your eyes.  Playing tether-ball with what is basically a beehive as thousands of bees sting the players: hilarious!  These guys are straight stupid.  And the best part is that all you have to do is pay some cash and you can watch their stupidity.

I also need to bring up something which will be the second time it has already been talked about on this site, and I sincerely hope that it becomes a recurring subject of conversation.  By that, I of course mean MIDGET FIGHTS!  One of the pranks they pull is having Weeman go to a bar with a midget lady-friend.  The lady-friends’s midget ex-boyfriend then picks a fight with Weeman all over the bar.  This is broken up by midget police, and tended to by midget paramedics all in the middle of a “normal” bar.  I was laughing so hard, a little turtle head might have popped out.

There are some painful things to watch.  Steve-O (of course) takes a shot from a glass filled with Preston’s ass sweat.  Knoxville routinely comes close to death from a bull, a seadoo and more.  And let’s just say that a scene involving a pig and an apple had to be hard to talk the mpaa into allowing in theaters.  Plus everything involving super glue had the same effect on me as hearing fingers scratch down a chalk board.

Basically, if you are still reading this review you are going to go see this movie.  For those who didn’t make it down this far on the page, remove thumb from ass and realize that it has all already been filmed.  You might as well enjoy it.

What did you think of Jackass 3D?  Laugh out loud riot, or riot to get this filth off our screens?  Let me know in the comments.

~Ryan Lynch