Netflix Review: Drag Me to Hell

Drag Me to Hell sucks so much that it gives Dyson vacuums around the world an inferiority complex.  Which really makes me unhappy because I love Sam Raimi.  How can you not love the man that gave Bruce Campbell the line “Honey, you got real ugly.”  But Sam wrote and directed this crapfest, so I guess no one is perfect.

What is wrong with Drag Me to Hell?  Let me count the ways.

Netflix Review: The American

Question:  Do you know any female who does not want to have sex with George Clooney?  Probably not.  In The American we get to ask the question of what would happen if George Clooney was an assassin.

You see, the problem with George Clooney being an assassin is that he still looks like George Clooney.  So a man who requires anonymity in order to be successful at his job would be walking around all anonymous and such with random women coming up to him and begging him to wear them like a necklace.

Netflix Review: The King of Kong

When deciding whether or not to watch a documentary, I always break the classic cliche, judging a book by it’s cover.  Unfortunately, I tend to choose my documentaries based upon the title and my interest in what I believe the subject material is about.  As you can imagine, this removes tons of well made and interesting documentaries from my “to see list”.

Netflix Review: Serenity

Joss Whedon.  If that name does not instantly hook you, then I have some educating to do.  I first was introduced to Joss Whedon by a vampire who goes by the name of Angel.  I know what you are thinking, stupid vampires are only for tween girls.  Well, I have news for you.  The story arc of Angel literally begins season one, episode one and builds and is connected all the way to the last episode of the show.  It requires thinking, and it uses very adult themes.

Netflix Review: From Paris With Love

I didn’t go see this movie in the theater because you just never know what you are going to get with Travolta.  Sometimes life is good and you get a Pulp Fiction or a Swordfish.  Sometimes life is really bad and you get a Battlefield Earth.  (Which, if viewed as a comedy about midgets vs. giants, is really quite funny.)

Midget wrestling makes its triumphant return to 47 Reviews!

Netflix Review: Staten Island

Let’s just get this out of the way: I love “Dude Movies.” You know, “Dude Movies”: heists, violence, drug rings, swearing, undercover cops; testosterone-laden, sometimes sardonic, glorious “Dude Movies”. Fight Club, Pulp Fiction, The Godfather, The Departed, The Usual Suspects, and now to add to my list: Staten Island. I know it looks like a Law and Order made-for-TV spinoff, but since when has a movie poster adequately advertised the actual movie experience?

Netflix Review: The Return of the 5 Deadly Venoms

A kung fu flick from  1978 produced in China by the Shaw Brothers.  My guess is that most people have stopped reading after that first sentence.  For everyone else, this movie is odd.  First, the title talks about five deadly venoms.  But there are only four protagonists throughout the film.  Second, the dialog is so hideous I seriously contemplated turning off this film after about two minutes.  But I couldn’t.

Netflix Review: Defendor

It’s happened to me before.  I swelled with pride when Rudy got on that field and tackled his man.  I still get a rush of adrenalin in The Last Dragon when Bruce Leeroy says “I am.”  I felt righteous retribution when Inigo Montoya finally got to say “Prepare to die!”  Every once in a while a movie comes along that gets me so emotionally invested in the characters that I want what they want.  I feel what they feel.  Defendor did that for me.