John Carter (of Mars) Review

Okay, Disney… wow me.

Goddamn it, Disney!  I said WOW me!  What the hell was the budget on this movie?  Two hundred and fifty MILLION dollars??  You’d think with that kind of price tag attached, they could afford to just have Disney imagineers design some sort of brain washing device to convince me I thoroughly enjoyed their flick.  Well the rumor was floating around for weeks that the special effects laden, mega blockbuster was gonna be a mega bust, so I can’t say I was totally surprised by what I got for my matinee ticket price today.  And I’m not saying it was terrible.  I’m just saying it wasn’t $250 million bucks good.

The Woman in Black Review

To everyone coughing “harrypotter” during the opening credits: that is hilarious. Please keep doing that.

The Woman in Black is actually based on a 1980’s horror novel and long running UK stage play of the same name.  No kidding, I ran into someone from London in my lobby on the very night I saw this movie and struck up a conversation with him.  Spooky, right??  Well, not so much “spooky” as something that just sort of happened, and now I’m writing about it.  Anyway, before that I had no idea this story existed in another medium.  And it was a good one.  Not tremendously original in plot or execution, but well done.

A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas Review

Yikes! The movie came out a month ago and I’m just reviewing it now. This is awkward.

47 Reviews is incredibly proud to introduce our FOURTH guest writer, Nikita Tolani. She is a vixen of the vernacular, the empress of entertainment, and the latest addition to our movie review family.  So grab your favorite seasonal beverage, don your Christmas sweater of choice, and enjoy her retrospective of the latest Harold & Kumar installment…

Netflix Review: Hatchet

“Brevity is the soul of wit.” -William Shakespeare

If brevity is the soul of wit, then this was one of the most soulful movie experiences I’ve had in a long time.  The concept was short and sweet: clap trap grab bag of unique and varied characters get stranded in the swamp and chased by an unstoppable, murder fueled, hatchet wielding monster.  Boom.  You don’t even have to see the movie now!  You’ve got the whole plot right there.

Netflix Review: Attack the Block

Man, England always gets the coolest invasions…

Okay, I took a little hiatus from the movie reviews.  It’s been an extremely busy month and a half.  But I know how much Ryan looks forward to my posts, so I’m trying to get back on that horse as quickly as possible.  And for my triumphant return to 47 Reviews, I decided to review Attack the Block, a new horror/alien movie courtesy of the UK team that brought us Shawn of the Dead.  Well, part of the team.  Producers mostly.  Also Nick Frost who plays bumbling drug dealing middle man Ron in the movie.  I think he always plays an enjoyable supporting character, as he does in ATB, but he was only a small cog in the team that made this movie work.

50/50 Review

But a 100% chance you will find something to like about this movie.

Like Hansel from Zoolander, Joseph Gordon Levitt is just so hot right now.*  500 Days of Summer, what?  Supporting role in the upcoming Batman movie, huh?  3 piece suit wearing slick mo-fo, Inception style, hey?  And who didn’t love him in 3rd Rock From the Sun, right??  My point is that he’s a great actor with range, and that’s what they needed to fill the role of sudden cancer haver, Adam, in the latest Hollywood dramedy, “50/50.”

Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark Review

This title is surprisingly contrary to the subject matter.

Who out there is a Guillermo del Toro fan?  Come onnnnn… lets see those hands.  Hellboy?  Blade 2?  At least give me Pan’s Labyrinth.  At any rate, del Toro has a darkly whimsical and fantastic imagination, elements that are very much present in this modern remake of the similarly titled 1970’s horror movie.  Even though he didn’t direct, his influence as a writer and producer are still felt heavily in the story and creature/set design.  Sitting in the director’s chair was newcomer Troy Nixey, a man I hadn’t heard of before watching this movie, but would now be happy watching more of.

Fright Night (2011) Review

I could literally get lost in those eyes for hours…

Oh hey there, Hollywood!  Great to see you again.  What’s that you said?  Another remake??  Well I don’t know… I mean, you’ve been forcing those down my throat for years.  I’m not sure if I can handle another one right now!  I mean, after Willy Wonka, Arthur, Prom Night, Christmas Carol, Rollerball, and others, I wanna make sure I leave some room for Conan, Footloose, and the Spider-Man reboot, a 2002 franchise that clearly needed a makeover and in no way had set the new standard for superhero movies at the time of its release.  You know, 9 years ago.